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Galatians 2:11-13 (NLT) - But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision. As a result, other Jewish believers followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy.
Life is filled with difficult but necessary conversations.
Awkward conversations are inevitable.
As a father and as a pastor they are a regular part of life.
From discussing bodily functions and sex with our children.
To confronting sin from the pulpit and in private during counseling.
The uneasy conversations that take place when an older saints hospital gown opens up when you are praying for them.
We have all had to bring up how to split a bill when out with family or friends at a restaurant.
There are times we need to be grace filled and full of wisdom when we are helping someone navigate a difficult situation.
Paul had to confront the hypocrisy of Peter.
The Apostles had to discuss how to handle the Christian Jews who were insistent that the newly saved Gentiles be circumcised in order to truly be followers of Christ.
We see Paul rebuke a man for sleeping with His step-mother.
We see Paul separate from Barnabas and continue his journeys with Silas because he was angry with John-Mark.
Paul was a master of the awkward conversation.
Most people avoid difficult and awkward conversations like the plague.
As Christians we are called to embrace them and bring the life and wisdom of Jesus into every situation.
Many people are afraid of them and simply do not like the feeling of uncertainty that comes with them. We know that not all conversations end well but we can do all of them well in the power of Christ.
Romans 12:18 - If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
To me this is one of the greatest verses concerning dealing with the awkward.
As much as depends on you - If I do my part then where people chose to go and what they chose to say is on them.
Moses stood before Pharaoh and told him to let God’s people go.
Esther went to the king and told him of the plan set about to kill her and all of Israel.
Ruth told her mother in-law that she was going nowhere and found a way to ask Boaz to marry her.
Paul openly opposed Peter when he was being a hypocrite and set him straight.
Jesus helped a women caught in adultery be set free when the Pharisees tried to trick him.
These are just a few.
We will have many awkward conversations with our children as they make choices.
We will have to confront those in sin or making poor decisions.
If you find yourself saying – “I wish someone would deal with that person” or – “I wish somebody would say something”- as a believer that someone is probably you.
Sometimes we are the ones who get to point out the elephant in the room while everyone else is pretending it is not there.
~ What is the most awkward or difficult situation you have ever had? How did it go and how did you do?
Mine was when a saint asked me to pray that God would take her home to be with Jesus.
Another time God had me call someone as He gave me a word of knowledge that they were about to have an affair.
The Bible is filled with wisdom, counsel and guidelines for the difficult conversation.
Ask for Wisdom
James 1:5 (NLT) - If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
Always make any awkward conversation that you need to have a matter of prayer.
Even if all you can do is pause and while you take a deep breath – ask God for wisdom and for what to say and what not to say.
In any awkward conversation what is left unsaid is just as important as what is said.
There are things that God will show us NOT to say.
There are things that God will prompt us to not leave UNSAID.
The Prophet Jeremiah tried to keep quiet but the word of God was like a fire in his bones.
Be quiet when God tells you to be silent and speak up when God tells you to speak.
Bring calm to the discussion through patience.
Tone and attitude make all the difference. When things are heated, tense or awkward speak slowly, calmly and softly.
Proverbs 15:18- A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
(AMP)- A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.
There are three key words here – Soft, gentle and thoughtful.
The other three key words are – harsh, painful and careless.
Loud is not more effective. It is abrasive.
I love this word thoughtful – think about what you are going to say and how what you are saying will be received by the one you are speaking with.
Is what you are saying TRUE, is it HELPFUL, Is it INSPIRING, Is it NECESSARY, Is it KIND?
Proverbs 15:28- The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.
James 1:19 - My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
It is amazing how a little thought can go a long way. The more time you can give to thinking before you have the awkward conversation the better.
When having any conversation, it is just as important to be a good listener.
We are to seek to understand and not to just be understood.
Awkward conversations are not just about making our point but about helping people change, correct, heal and grow.
When having an awkward conversation make sure to get to the point.
Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t make small talk until you work up the courage to say what needs said.
If you need to rebuke – get to it and then teach. Don’t try to teach so you can lead up to something.
Deal with the wickedness, deal with the bad attitude or actions.
Matthew 16:22-23 (AMP) - Peter took Him aside [to speak to Him privately] and began to reprimand Him, saying, “May God forbid it! This will never happen to You.” 23 But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on things of God, but on things of man.”
I love this.
Peter tried to do things right. He took Jesus aside to talk to Him privately. His heart was in the right place. He loved Jesus and didn’t want to see Him die.
Jesus threw cold water all over that.
Satan was using Peter as a stumbling block. – Get behind me Satan. Wow! Awkward. Harsh – a little. Effective – Very.
Some people still actually believe that Jesus handled this conversation incorrectly.
Some awkward conversations require a direct response. Notice that Jesus explained why He said what He said. You are not setting your mind on the things of God.
I find it interesting that we are not given any more insight. Was there more conversation or was there none necessary?
He followed a principle that Jesus laid out later.
Matthew 18:15-16 (NLT) - “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
Too many people don’t deal with the pain other people cause them.
The goal of many awkward conversations is to win someone back. Refusing to have awkward conversations is the reason that many relationships end that don’t need too.
In any awkward conversation make sure to say what you mean and to mean what you say.
Many people count on the fact that people are indecisive and afraid to follow through.
Matthew 5:37 - But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
There are many times people ask you to do things that put you in an awkward position.
I get asked to do things all the time. I also get asked to have conversations with people that others would like to avoid.
Part of dealing with awkward things is to know the things that God is asking you to do.
If God is not asking you to do or say something then you are under no obligation to do it.
I had a lady who came to my office that sees a need for the homeless in our community. Her heart is kind but she is naïve.
What she really wants is other people to do the work.
She asked me to consider doing something. I started to say I would think about it. The truth is I knew right there that the answer was no.
All that “my thinking about it” was going to do was to delay the inevitable. She would also keep coming around for an answer… Awkward, Annoying… but fair.
I let my No be No. I gave some reasons even though I did not owe her an explanation. It did help to teach her.
Life is filled with the Awkward. Sometimes it even seems that when things can’t get any weirder the absurdly awkward gets thrown in. The great thing is that God’s Word has equipped us for such times and for us to be able to master the situation instead of the awkward mastering us.
Know that You are loved and be encouraged. God has got you.
Pastor Marvin & Dawn
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