HCC Monthly Harvest Seed
Hebrews 13:4 (AMP) - Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
(NLT) - Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
It is not often that you hear wisdom on what will kill a marriage.
Marriage killers are not about being negative it is about reality that is rooted in the word of God.
Marriage is like taking care of fish in an aquarium. You must take good care of the fish and the environment that they live in. If you neglect either one the fish will die.
You must feed the fish; you must keep the tank as stress free as possible. You must clean the tank often and change the water carefully. You must keep the tank free of pollutants; you must keep out predators or anything that will harass or kill the fish. There are certain other fish you can allow in the tank and others you must keep out. You must treat any sickness and disease. It is important to keep the temperature of the tank within a certain range, too hot or too cold and the fish will die. Sometimes things die in the tank and you must remove the dead things before they begin to affect the living.
According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce with 70-74% of third marriages ending in divorce, often due to carrying unresolved issues, blended family complexities, and less patience from previous experiences.
This means that most families have been touched by divorce in some manner.
No one enters into a marriage thinking – boy I hope one day we get a divorce.
While the Bible tells us that God hates divorce; it does not say that divorce disqualifies someone from being a Christian.
This is not to bring shame or condemnation. The truth is though that divorce as become so common in our culture that the church must speak life into an issue that the devil comes to bring death.
God hates divorce because of how damaging it is to people.
Malachi 2:16 (NLT) - “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So, guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
Notice that God places the responsibility of divorce on the man. In the Old Testament and through most of history it was the man who initiated divorce and, in the male, dominated society it left the women, homeless, helpless and destitute.
While Moses permitted divorce God said that it revealed a heart issue. Divorce is violent and cruel. It is hurtful and devastating. It is violent not just to the two involved but to the children and the families. My prayer is that all who have walked through this trying season will know the healing and restoring power of our loving God.
In our society and in western culture divorce is now actually 70% of the time initiated by the women. This is because of better laws protecting women and the fact that women are now able to provide for a family and able to work.
It is also an indicator that both men and women have a heart issue in our society concerning marriage.
The first marriage killer is the lack of honor and respect given to this union in society.
Hebrews 13:4a (AMP)- Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value]
I want to address this first.
If a marriage is going to succeed you must see it as valuable.
You must understand the Spiritual value, the personal value and the societal value of marriage.
Today people see marriage as a legal contract and not a personal covenant between God and a man and a woman.
To honor someone is to value them and to esteem them and to love them and cherish them.
Marriage is seen by many today as unnecessary, and most relationships as temporary.
Nothing undermines the value of a marriage in a society as when people lose the understanding of being committed to one other person for a lifetime and the stability that it brings to raising children.
When you stop honoring your marriage and honoring your spouse with words, deeds and kindness you will see your marriage begin to die.
Those who have thriving marriages – prioritize that relationship over every other relationship in their life.
We must understand that marriage is sacred and that God designed it to be the foundation of every society on earth.
When society as a whole does not honor and value the relationship of marriage that society will begin to crumble from its very foundations. If the family is destabilized then the framework of people’s lives crumble, Spiritual, emotionally, personally and financially.
When marriage is killed so is a society’s ability to function as God designed.
Selfishness is a marriage killer.
The Bible clearly says that the two become one.
While each spouse continues to have their distinct identity and personality. The Bible says that they are now one. Unified in everything.
A man shall leave his father and mother and be JOINED to his wife.
Think of glue bonding two substances together.
This is called the principle of permeance. – Unity.
Ephesians 5:31-32 - “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
When we are married, we give up our independence for dependance on each other.
The foundation of every marriage is love. Love is other focused and never self-focused.
The opposite of love is selfishness not hatred. It is selfishness that will kill a marriage.
The Bible calls this kind of unity a great mystery. The fact that two very different people can become one is an amazing thing.
It comes intentionally as we consider the other person in everything. The Bible calls this submission.
Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) - Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
To submit means that both spouses consider the feelings, preferences and decisions of the other in everything.
A marriage is unity of body, mind and purposes. Submission doesn’t always mean total agreement. It does means total consideration, respect, understanding and humility.
This independent streak that has dominated our society has killed more marriages because true unity means that we give up our individuality for the permeance of unity.
Love never dominates, humiliates or desecrates. It submits because the other spouse is committed and covenanted to honesty, safety and selflessness that benefits both.
For the purpose of this article, we will look at just one more marriage killer.
Infidelity and unfaithfulness are a key marriage killer.
You would think that this would be self-explanatory.
Sexual sin especially in the context of marriage is harmful.
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) - Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,
(AMP) - Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin
The marriage bed is to be kept pure and undefiled. Nothing undermines a marriage than unfaithfulness sexually.
Right now, there are trends that are shaking society. They say that monogamy is unnatural and even harmful.
There are things like polyamory that invites other people into the home to become a part of the family and the marriage in all aspects including sexually.
There are other forms of perversion that are sweeping the world through pornography the titles and definitions that we will never mention in church.
Ephesians 5:3 (NLT) - Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.
At the foundation of any marriage is trust.
Anyone who cannot be trusted sexually cannot be trusted in any other area of a marriage.
Marriage is a place of intimacy. Intimacy is more than sexual it is emotional, physical and it is deeply spiritual.
Purity is vital; anytime purity is violated a marriage is defiled.
There are to be no secrets in marriage and that is to be true for the lifetime of the marriage.
Genesis 2:25 (AMP) - And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed or embarrassed.
This is the true meaning of an open marriage.
It was so natural to be naked and exposed to each other and before God that they didn’t even know there was any other way.
The moment sin enter into the world is the moment that secrets and shame entered into the world.
If you are keeping secrets from one another then there is sin in your relationship. Unless it is a surprise for a birthday or anniversary.
Anything you have to “Cover Up” is a problem.
In a marriage there is absolutely no room for lying of any kind. Including omitting certain aspects of the truth.
Everything in a marriage is to be out in the open. Phones, emails, our schedules – everything is our business. This is not to be controlling or over bearing.
The marriage relationship demands trust, honesty and accountability to thrive and without it a marriage will die.
God desires for our marriage to thrive. This is why there is a great deal of relationship wisdom found in the word of God. There are thing that we need to do and then there are things we need NOT to do.
Make a renewed commitment to breath fresh life into the most cherished relationship outside of Jesus that you will ever have.
Know that you are loved and that God has great things ahead for your family.
Pastor Marvin & Dawn