HCC Monthly Harvest Seed
Hebrews 13:4 (AMP) - Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
(NLT) - Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
It is not often that you hear wisdom on what will kill a marriage.
Marriage killers are not about being negative it is about reality that is rooted in the word of God.
Marriage is like taking care of fish in an aquarium. You must take good care of the fish and the environment that they live in. If you neglect either one the fish will die.
You must feed the fish; you must keep the tank as stress free as possible. You must clean the tank often and change the water carefully. You must keep the tank free of pollutants; you must keep out predators or anything that will harass or kill the fish. There are certain other fish you can allow in the tank and others you must keep out. You must treat any sickness and disease. It is important to keep the temperature of the tank within a certain range, too hot or too cold and the fish will die. Sometimes things die in the tank and you must remove the dead things before they begin to affect the living.
According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce with 70-74% of third marriages ending in divorce, often due to carrying unresolved issues, blended family complexities, and less patience from previous experiences.
This means that most families have been touched by divorce in some manner.
No one enters into a marriage thinking – boy I hope one day we get a divorce.
While the Bible tells us that God hates divorce; it does not say that divorce disqualifies someone from being a Christian.
This is not to bring shame or condemnation. The truth is though that divorce as become so common in our culture that the church must speak life into an issue that the devil comes to bring death.
God hates divorce because of how damaging it is to people.
Malachi 2:16 (NLT) - “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So, guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
Notice that God places the responsibility of divorce on the man. In the Old Testament and through most of history it was the man who initiated divorce and, in the male, dominated society it left the women, homeless, helpless and destitute.
While Moses permitted divorce God said that it revealed a heart issue. Divorce is violent and cruel. It is hurtful and devastating. It is violent not just to the two involved but to the children and the families. My prayer is that all who have walked through this trying season will know the healing and restoring power of our loving God.
In our society and in western culture divorce is now actually 70% of the time initiated by the women. This is because of better laws protecting women and the fact that women are now able to provide for a family and able to work.
It is also an indicator that both men and women have a heart issue in our society concerning marriage.
The first marriage killer is the lack of honor and respect given to this union in society.
Hebrews 13:4a (AMP)- Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value]
I want to address this first.
If a marriage is going to succeed you must see it as valuable.
You must understand the Spiritual value, the personal value and the societal value of marriage.
Today people see marriage as a legal contract and not a personal covenant between God and a man and a woman.
To honor someone is to value them and to esteem them and to love them and cherish them.
Marriage is seen by many today as unnecessary, and most relationships as temporary.
Nothing undermines the value of a marriage in a society as when people lose the understanding of being committed to one other person for a lifetime and the stability that it brings to raising children.
When you stop honoring your marriage and honoring your spouse with words, deeds and kindness you will see your marriage begin to die.
Those who have thriving marriages – prioritize that relationship over every other relationship in their life.
We must understand that marriage is sacred and that God designed it to be the foundation of every society on earth.
When society as a whole does not honor and value the relationship of marriage that society will begin to crumble from its very foundations. If the family is destabilized then the framework of people’s lives crumble, Spiritual, emotionally, personally and financially.
When marriage is killed so is a society’s ability to function as God designed.
Selfishness is a marriage killer.
The Bible clearly says that the two become one.
While each spouse continues to have their distinct identity and personality. The Bible says that they are now one. Unified in everything.
A man shall leave his father and mother and be JOINED to his wife.
Think of glue bonding two substances together.
This is called the principle of permeance. – Unity.
Ephesians 5:31-32 - “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
When we are married, we give up our independence for dependance on each other.
The foundation of every marriage is love. Love is other focused and never self-focused.
The opposite of love is selfishness not hatred. It is selfishness that will kill a marriage.
The Bible calls this kind of unity a great mystery. The fact that two very different people can become one is an amazing thing.
It comes intentionally as we consider the other person in everything. The Bible calls this submission.
Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) - Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
To submit means that both spouses consider the feelings, preferences and decisions of the other in everything.
A marriage is unity of body, mind and purposes. Submission doesn’t always mean total agreement. It does means total consideration, respect, understanding and humility.
This independent streak that has dominated our society has killed more marriages because true unity means that we give up our individuality for the permeance of unity.
Love never dominates, humiliates or desecrates. It submits because the other spouse is committed and covenanted to honesty, safety and selflessness that benefits both.
For the purpose of this article, we will look at just one more marriage killer.
Infidelity and unfaithfulness are a key marriage killer.
You would think that this would be self-explanatory.
Sexual sin especially in the context of marriage is harmful.
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) - Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,
(AMP) - Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin
The marriage bed is to be kept pure and undefiled. Nothing undermines a marriage than unfaithfulness sexually.
Right now, there are trends that are shaking society. They say that monogamy is unnatural and even harmful.
There are things like polyamory that invites other people into the home to become a part of the family and the marriage in all aspects including sexually.
There are other forms of perversion that are sweeping the world through pornography the titles and definitions that we will never mention in church.
Ephesians 5:3 (NLT) - Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.
At the foundation of any marriage is trust.
Anyone who cannot be trusted sexually cannot be trusted in any other area of a marriage.
Marriage is a place of intimacy. Intimacy is more than sexual it is emotional, physical and it is deeply spiritual.
Purity is vital; anytime purity is violated a marriage is defiled.
There are to be no secrets in marriage and that is to be true for the lifetime of the marriage.
Genesis 2:25 (AMP) - And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed or embarrassed.
This is the true meaning of an open marriage.
It was so natural to be naked and exposed to each other and before God that they didn’t even know there was any other way.
The moment sin enter into the world is the moment that secrets and shame entered into the world.
If you are keeping secrets from one another then there is sin in your relationship. Unless it is a surprise for a birthday or anniversary.
Anything you have to “Cover Up” is a problem.
In a marriage there is absolutely no room for lying of any kind. Including omitting certain aspects of the truth.
Everything in a marriage is to be out in the open. Phones, emails, our schedules – everything is our business. This is not to be controlling or over bearing.
The marriage relationship demands trust, honesty and accountability to thrive and without it a marriage will die.
God desires for our marriage to thrive. This is why there is a great deal of relationship wisdom found in the word of God. There are thing that we need to do and then there are things we need NOT to do.
Make a renewed commitment to breath fresh life into the most cherished relationship outside of Jesus that you will ever have.
Know that you are loved and that God has great things ahead for your family.
Pastor Marvin & Dawn
Image by Loi Tran from Pixabay
HCC Monthly Harvest Seed
Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.
~ Martin Luther King JR. – Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
1 John 3:15 - Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
1 John 4:19-20 - We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.
For many people what is shocking, and disheartening is the rudeness, lack of courtesy, violence, general disinterests in kindness and basic morality and a lack of civility in our conversations.
It should not come as a surprise that a nation that has killed over 63 million babies through abortion since 1973 is now seeing people walk into schools and shopping malls and murdering our children. Many of these shootings are done by other children and teenagers or those in their early 20’s.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT) - You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.
4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!
What a list!
This describes people today. What sticks out to me the most is that people are self-absorbed, prideful, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God and they consider NOTHING sacred or holy.
The last days will be marked by people who love things, ideas, and certain ideologies but they do not really care for people, especially those who are different than them or who do not agree with them.
We see this in the world among people who do not know Jesus.
Unfortunately, we are seeing this even among the people of God.
As Christians we are going to have to deal with hate and understand what the Bible says about hate.
The Bible tells us that hate stirs up all kinds of trouble and problems. – We see this all around us.
It also tells us that you can’t claim to love God and hate other people. You can dislike people and what they do but we are not to hate them.
Hate is not a new thing that we are dealing with.
Jesus spoke about love to a religious world that valued rules more than it valued relationships.
When Jesus confronted the religious people of His day about their hypocrisy, they hated Him for it and tried to kill Him. They eventually had Him crucified.
Today we are told that we are to hate sin and to love the sinner, yet very few of us get this correct. Much of the time we wind up hating the person instead of helping a person deal with their sin in love.
Hate is what happens when there is a vacuum of love.
What starts out as righteous indignation turns into judgment that causes us to be the jury and the executioner.
Hate feeds off itself. – It will eat you alive. It will begin to consume every thought, action and words.
Someone who was once positive, loving understanding and compassionate about the lost is now angry, suspicious of everyone and everything and poisons even good relationships and conversations.
Hate is nothing new. Cain grew Jealous of Able and hated him. This led to the first murder.
The Bible says that whoever hates a brother, or a sister is a murderer.
That is a powerful statement. Hate at its highest point will lead to physical murder. But hate truly believes that the world would be a better place without certain kinds of people in it.
Now understand the Bible does recommend the death penalty for crimes like rape, incest, and murder. – This is not what we are talking about. That is a cry for justice.
Hate – To despise, intense dislike, to detest, loathe, abhor, to shrink back in horror. To find nothing good in. It is placing no value at all in someone or something.
I find it necessary to remind people that the opposite of love is not hate it is selfishness.
The opposite of hate is worship. –
To worship - is to adore, cherish, be drawn to, to honor and reverence. It is devotion, commitment and loyalty. It is to put someone in the highest place in our life.
The reality is that we live in a world where we must coexist with evil.
People believe and do unspeakably evil and wicked things.
We will be called to speak the truth.
We are called to compassionately help those impacted by this evil.
We are to be light in the darkness.
When we are confronted with hatred, we must continue to do good and to speak the truth in love.
Romans 12:21 - Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.
We are to overflow with Good words, good fruit and good deeds.
Many Christians are being overcome with the same spirit that is in the world.
We must remember that – GREATER is HE that is in us than he that is in the world.
As Christians we are overcomers. We are not to be overcome and overwhelmed with hate. We are called to overwhelm hate with Good.
By responding and living like Christ we don’t add to the problems, we disarm principalities and powers. This includes Satan’s weapon of hate. To win the world to Jesus we can’t fight battles the same way they do with the same weapons and think we will win.
Our weapons to defeat hatred are not carnal fleshly, feel-good things, they are mighty for pulling down the strongholds in people and in society.
Hear me – Hatred is a stronghold. – Make no mistake about it. But it is only a stronghold where it is permitted.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 - For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
I love this… We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.
Teaching happens through our words AND our example.
You can’t do that if you try to fight hate with hate. - You do that with truth, love and compassion and an unyielding commitment to holiness both – personal holiness and holiness in thought and belief.
We must respond to hate by making sure we do not give more attention to the hate than we do the harvest.
Ultimately it is God’s job to take care of the evil in the world.
Matthew 13:24-30 - Another parable He put forth to them, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; 25 but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. 26 But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. 27 So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ 28 He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The servants said to him, ‘Do you want us then to go and gather them up?’
29 But he said, ‘No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.”
In the process of trying to tear up what is bad many well-meaning Christians have uprooted and hurt many good people. That looked like weeds but were actually full of Good fruit.
Sometimes wheat and weeds look a lot alike in the early and developing stages.
I want to remind you that the majority of our time is not to be spent dealing with the weeds but to be nourishing the seeds and cultivating a harvest of good things.
The enemy is all about destruction and he wants to get us in on the process. God is all about life.
I love the response – let them grow and we will sort it all out at the end.
This is great wisdom. Dealing with Hate.
Know that You are dearly loved,
Pastor Marvin & Dawn
Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay